Uncensored!

I wish I never met him.

I mean it too. I'm not just saying that or going to change my mind. I can't imagine my life without him and I can't imagine my life with him with another girl. If I could go back 5 1/2 years and not have met him, even if it meant changing people I've met and things I've done that have been life changing in good ways for me, I'd still do it. Even if my world was completely and totally different. I don't care. I wish I never knew him. If he could fucking hate me, it would be different. If he could be a dickhead, it would be great. But "my friendship means more to him than I realize." And I could never really say I love you. Well, that's not true, I have, but he never really truely knew how I felt. That letter's just a start, just a tip of the iceburg, but enough to let him in.
Of course I ignored the phone today when his name came up on caller ID. I was too tired and having a rough day. I had cried too much already. I didn't want to cry on the phone w/ him. I told him he didn't have to reply but I'm scared he won't and I'm scared he will. I just need to hear him tell me he doesn't love me. But it still doesn't change the fact that I wish I never met him.
I hate this horrible sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that won't go away. I can't sleep, it's fucking ridiculous. I'm going to get myself fired. I'm up all night until right before my alarm goes off and then I sleep through it. I hope the dr. can help me tomorrow, but there's no hope for me...
Damn it, fuck you D!!!!!!! I'm fucking crying again. I'm out for now...

posted by LittleOne @ 11:11 PM